had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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