i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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