I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize