I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
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HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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