We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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