I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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