is your mom at the bar?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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