I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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