Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?

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  (612): When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder? http://tfl.nu/3y9l
  Replies (16) Good night (3438) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me

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  (415): Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me http://tfl.nu/bq34
  Replies (20) Good night (1111) Bad night (4416) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.

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  (215): I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume. http://tfl.nu/pw0v
  Replies (19) Good night (1067) Bad night (3627) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

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  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5583) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila

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  (612): I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila http://tfl.nu/4u8b
  Replies (20) Good night (5860) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?

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  (631): do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis? http://tfl.nu/tizi
  Replies (14) Good night (3820) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wonder if you can snort coke upside down

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  (630): I wonder if you can snort coke upside down http://tfl.nu/eyfv
  Replies (20) Good night (1319) Bad night (2876) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.

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  (559): We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child. http://tfl.nu/mund
  Replies (4) Good night (1966) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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  (678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1
  Replies (5) Good night (1170) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it

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  (240): A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it http://tfl.nu/zmnm
  Replies (3) Good night (1104) Bad night (383)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.

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  (503): He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain. http://tfl.nu/zlsy
  Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison

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  (864): Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison http://tfl.nu/9c49
  Replies (2) Good night (843) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...

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  (847): That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't... http://tfl.nu/cux6
  Replies (4) Good night (406) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*

  (1-828): View more from North Carolina

  omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.

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  (828): Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist* (1-828): omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too. http://tfl.nu/j31b
  Replies (4) Good night (954) Bad night (175)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up

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  (248): I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up http://tfl.nu/z2m0
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt

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