please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i think my cat just said my name.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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