if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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