he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize