How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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