Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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