Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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