My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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