what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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