Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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