I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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