This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize