Is it normal to miss your booty call?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize