I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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