You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize