A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You smell like stripper and shame
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
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I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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