i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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