Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize