Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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