This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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