I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
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I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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