worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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