Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
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no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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