I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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