Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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