I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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