Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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