Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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