just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
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I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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