We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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