I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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