I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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