I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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