i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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