i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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