i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize