I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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