thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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