Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Too much gin, very little bucket
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
soo... how was my night?
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