some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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