I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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