matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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